In 2010, I was in a movie with Denzel Washington and Chris Pine.
No really, seriously, I was a paid actor, alongside these two mega movie stars in the film “Unstoppable”, which was filmed, in part, in central Pennsylvania. You see, I grew up in Central PA. And I was there working as a therapist and working on my doctorate at Penn State University, when Hollywood came to town. At that time, my wife Kristy and I had been married for almost ten years and had two young daughters, Kaylie and Desi.
The news had spread quickly in our small town outside of State College that “Unstoppable” – a “thriller” about a runaway train, would be filming locally and a casting call came out in the local media outlets. Kristy, knowing how much of a cinephile I am, jumped at the chance to enter my name into the Goblet of Fire, uh, I mean submitted my name and information in the online casting call and, a few weeks later, I was contacted by email letting me know that I was selected to be in the movie! Visions rushed through my head. Maybe I would work at the train station, a depot manager who tries frantically to wave down Denzel or, better yet, maybe Denzel would have to punch me out when I tried to get in his way of stopping the train, which was bearing down on a busload of elementary kids. Or wait, maybe I would be the bus driver, banging on the steering wheel, trying to coax the stalled engine to life, with the train speeding towards us. Oh, I had lots of dreams about how I might “steal the scene”, which would lead to a few other small roles, which would eventually catapult me to my own blockbuster franchise or I suppose I’d be fine sharing top billing with Russel Crowe…for the right role. I might even do a few artsy movies in between sequels just to show my versatility.
Well, the big day came. It was a freezing mid-February day and I was instructed via email to arrive at a warehouse in the little hamlet of Howard, PA at 6:30 AM. Likely, they would want me there early for makeup and costume fitting I supposed. I showed up on time and found myself, surprisingly, immersed in a sea of at least a hundred other “extras” who were also waiting for directions. We were herded into the warehouse, which somehow seemed colder inside than it was outside, to wait…and wait….and wait some more. Granola bars and bottled waters were available and I texted Kristy to pass the time. I didn’t know anyone else there to talk to and we didn’t have smart phones yet. I tried to keep walking to stay warm, but I hadn’t planned on how cold it was in there, with only a relatively thin black jacket to wear, and I was freezing cold. We waited for hours upon hours, upon hours. I grew more and more bored and frustrated as the day wore on. Finally, I texted Kristy and told her I was miserable, that there were hundreds of people here with me, and that I was considering ditching it and coming home. She convinced me to stay, emphasizing that I might get a chance to meet the one and only Denzel Washington or Chris Pine aka Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek reboot. To support me, she said she was packing up our girls and driving to Howard to get as close as she could get to me and the filming location.
Later that afternoon, the entire group of us “extras” were given instructions to go outside and, you guessed it, wait some more for further instructions. Eventually, we were told that we were all going to be in a scene towards the conclusion of the movie in which everyone is gathering by the train tracks – we were going to be the crowd of people moving towards the heroes and a makeshift press conference on a little league baseball field. I did as I was told and walked back and forth with the herd, take after take. I was relieved to be able to walk around outside, where there was a few glimpses of sun. But I was incredibly glad when the director yelled out on his megaphone announcing that they were done, we were done, and we could all go home. I did see a limo driving around, but we were instructed not to approach Mr. Washington or Mr. Pine and, truth be told, I could barely see the vehicle through the mass of people pushing together to get a glimpse. Kristy, on the other hand, had arrived at the shooting location pushing the girls in a stroller an hour or so before filming wrapped. And Chris Pine just happened to be walking by and stopped to chat with her briefly, remarking how beautiful the girls looked. Kristy was there for twenty minutes, got a picture, and her very own celebrity encounter. And she doesn’t even like Star Trek! What about “my scene” you might ask? Well, if you look closely at the very end of the movie and shot from high above, you can barely make out someone in a black jacket walking with a sea of people as the credits roll. Disappointing? Uh yeah, that’s kinda putting it mildly. It was Very Disappointing when compared to my delusions, uh I mean, dreams of grandeur, though I guess relatively harmless when considering the small amount of effort I exerted in the process. As uncomfortable as I was for ten hours, it was just ten hours after all. Life has provided much more significant disappointments for me and for my family to be sure over the years, some spreading out over months and years of seemingly fruitless efforts and unmet expectations. Because failure and disappointment are normal occurarnces for anyone who pursues anything of real value, it is important to learn how to manage it in a healthy way. Research tells us that expressing gratitude can have a profound positive impact, helping us to cope with failure or disappointment.
Several studies have prompted adolescents to use journals to “count their blessings.” These studies have revealed a strong positive relationship between gratitude and school satisfaction, positive emotions, classroom engagement, global, and domain-specific life satisfaction. Other studies have found that positive journaling has also been associated with heightened levels of individuals’ overall well-being, and more specifically in the area of positive emotions and improved social relationships. Research on prompting students to use gratitude journals as a formal part of the school day is overwhelmingly positive, which makes a strong case for us to integrate this intervention into our work with students and, perhaps, for ourselves professionally and personally as well. Athletics often provides a unique and relevant lens through which to consider common reactions such as grief, disappointment, and gratitude. The words of one particular Olympic champion that I came across recently reflect what the aforementioned research suggests.
Kristen Thompson is a three-time Olympic gold medalist and former professional road cyclist. She is also a public speaker, whose inspirational talks reference and nurture resiliency in powerful ways. This is what she has been quoted as saying in regards to disappointment: “When we focus on gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.” I love the visual here of waves, ebbs, and flows of thoughts and emotions.
The literature on gratitude journaling, however, comes with a few important caveats. We must be careful that gratitude (or lack thereof) doesn’t accidentally prompt us to feel “guilty” or prevent us from the necessary process of grieving loss and/or disappointment. The guilty person might think something like this: “I don’t have a right to be sad. I have so much to be grateful for. What’s wrong with me?” The person who dismisses or denies reality might choose to ignore what they have lost and their natural emotional reactions to that loss to focus on gratitude. While gratitude journaling can be a temporary and powerful coping mechanism, the emotional weight of grief is an important part of growing, integrating life experiences, and identity development. Failing to grieve our losses and disappointments in a healthy way could end up causing more difficulty down the road for our students, our clients, and/or for us as professionals. Scripture says it like this “For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven…a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-4).
So am I grateful for my one and only “movie acting experience?” While it was disappointing to be sure, I was very grateful for the $100 check I received in the mail a few weeks later. I wish I would have thought enough to take a picture of it. But during that incredibly difficult financial season of our marriage, that money was of far more value getting deposited as quickly as possible for groceries and diapers. I am very grateful that Kristy and the girls got to meet Chris Pine, which may not have otherwise happened and even though the girls don’t really remember. And I am very grateful that I have this story to share with you, relevant to disappointment and the importance of expressing our gratitude for the many blessings that I and we get to experience. I have since retired from acting, though to be honest, I am still on the lookout for a casting call to be in a Star Wars movie. I’ll gladly wait around all day again and dress up as a Stormtrooper stationed on some distant planet. I just hope the costume or the planet is warmer than Central PA in February!
Until next time, have an Excellent Edventure!
- Dr. Rick Albright
